"Criticized for saying he "regrets" misstatements he made about his military service during the Vietnam War, Connecticut Senate candidate Richard Blumenthal is now apologizing"---Hey, his" misstatements" are understandable---you forget your keys, your wallet, your anniversary, that you DIDN'T spend a hellish tour of duty in the steamy jungles of Vietnam,...
"U.N. calls for probe of Israeli flotilla raid Global"---I mean, I never thought I'd see the day when Jews would attack caterers!!
"Al Gore and Tipper Separate after 40 Years"---Though both say no marital infidelity involved, insiders say Tipper has complained that Al stopped warming her globes years ago!
"Al-Qaida says its No. 3 official has been killed"--- I guess that's a sign of progress---must mean we finished off all those 73 #2 men!
"BP shares plunge after failure to contain oil spill"--- the CEO's should be plunging imminently!
"High Court: Suspects must tell police they want to be silent"---which is sometimes hard when the cops are piled on top of you cutting off your air, or you're being slammed, handcuffed onto a car trunk.
"About 2,300 people running for Congress, the most in decades"---convinced that the job needs them and they need the job!
"Caffeine addicts may get no real perk from morning coffee"---nor any kick from champagne either!!
"Double-murderer gets five life sentences"--- eligible for parole after second life sentence.
The One Liners #365
15 years ago
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