I-Pod-DUH!

*** Lady Gaga--- I liked her better 25 years ago when she was called Madonna.

*** Witnesses said they never saw a more gruesome suicide as a man literally poured his heart out to his friends.

*** "Laughter's the best medicine!" I said after telling my wife a joke.
She said, "Damn! I guess that means I have no health coverage!!"

***BP's attempts at positive spin grow ever more pathetic- now it's
Hey Folks---We hit an UNDERWATER GUSHER!!"

*** That audience has no sense of humor, I griped after a set. The emcee said, "I think ya got that backwards!"

*** You know we're in dark times when insurance companies are starting to peddle "Getting Killed or Wounded in a Shooting Spree" coverage.

*** So Miley Cyrus is goin' the 'cheap slut' route. Man, I never saw that comin'!! Lets see, Olivia Newton-John, Sheena Easton, Britney Spears---it's been done!

*** Many educated people can be really stupid---my cousin Irwin wrote a 100-page doctoral thesis offering his theory that in "Lady Chatterly's Lover", the caretaker's penis was a phallic symbol.!