A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Chinese restaurant

Pam and I went to eat at a Buffet-style Chinese restaurant a couple of weeks back.

We enjoyed our entree of tasty oriental delicacies and then came the time for some dessert.

I wandered around a bit and came upon what looked to be my favorite, pistachio ice cream. I mean where else can you get that flavor these days?

I scooped a hearty helping into my dish and returned to my table to enjoy it.

What I didn't know is that I got this "ice cream" at what I didn't realize was--so focused was I on the treat-- the Sushi Bar.

And what I thought to be pistachio ice cream was actually an Oriental dressing called Wasabi.

If you've never tasted it... but...okay--- to call it hot would be like calling Eva Mendes "plain".

So I drop a spoonful of the delicious dessert in my mouth and ...okay, think of Bob Hope downing that flammable drink at the saloon bar in Son of Palefeace; think of Oliver Hardy after he sprayed Flit down his throat, thinking it was mouthwash; think of the sight gag in Mel Brooks' Silent Movie where all the diners inside a Mexican restaurant are breathing smoke.

Now take those three and put them together and that will give you just an approximation of the discomfort I was in.

My eyes began to tear; Pam asked what was wrong. I could barely breathe, let alone
answer. It felt like someone had poured kerosene into my alimentary canal and then tossed match in my mouth for good measure!
Red and gasping for air, I stumbled over to their fish tank and scooped about two gallons of water down my throat and probably a few guppies. Still, afire, I looked for a fire extinguisher with which to dowse the flames in my innards .

Finally, I went to the men's room and drank three gallons of cold water,

Some 15 minutes later I managed my way back to my table, my eyes still watering.

Buy then of course, Pam had shared my little gaffe with the waiters and waitresses.

The last time I saw so many Chinese laughing at a "round eyes" was when Wal-Mart's CEO asked if the company could open up a chain in their country.

The upshot of the story is costly therapy now helping with my abnormal fear of even taking a teeny taste pistachio ice cream.