I Zing the Body Electric :Top 5 Things I Hate About Computers

%@#&!! They're arrogant fuckers who have a mind of their own and pretty much decide they're gonna do whatever they wanna, whenever they wanna.
You know---you've finally navigated a website to get where you wanna go---and---zap, the computer decides you've been there long enough, or it is bored by the site, and decides to take you to a website devoted to the History of European Doorknobs 1867-1899!!


%@#&!! They're disobedient---
You're tryin' to "X" out an unwanted screen and the computer tells you "Suck on it!! This screen ain't goin' nowhere!!"
Or for no apparent reason the screen freezes and its eyes glaze over!!
Your repeated clicks on ANYTHING falls on deaf hard drive.
And you're screamin' "Don't make me hit ctrl+alt+del!" DON'T MAKE ME DO IT!!!"
And when you do it---then what?? Probably click the wrong tab and make things worse!

%@#&!! The damn F5 key never works---nor the Esc key, and try pressin' the Help button and see if you get any real help you understand!!

%@#&!! They constantly are flashing you messages written in some language that clearly didn't originate on this planet!
There is a problem with your virtual truck", Oh, I see,is it blocking something where I parked it??

"Your script is running slow---would you like to switch to real time---if you do you will lose data and perhaps cause your monitor to implode"

"Would you like to report this error to Microsoft?"
Sure, why not? I've already sent 889 error reports already and have no idea where they're goin' or what the hell the error was!


%$#&!! Even more than TV, the legal, medical and political professions has computerese debased the English language.

It's the making up of new words that have no organic root in our customary language, and abducting familiar words with precise denotations, and pressing them into uses in ways that neuter them and change their meanings. All this causes unnecessary navigational confusion amongst those to whom cyberworld is largely terra incognita
For example "cut and paste" ---the first time I heard that one I was looking around for scissors and a paste jar. I could almost smell the Elmer's Glue.

Do I have my "drivers"? Are we playing a round of golf today?? Oh, you mean the disk---that round shiny thing. A Driver??

I still don't know what the hell cookies are, and why they're even called cookies!!

Windows is shutting down...