A Smattering of Scatterings

*** News from the South Pacific that a volley ball answering to the name "Wilson", was fished from the ocean and immediately expressed concern for the fate of actor Tom Hanks.

*** Jeff Goldblum in The Fly---a man who really made something of himself.

*** Hey, when did the Obama administration appoint Tom Arnold as Press Secretary?? I mean , look at him next time.

*** "At the end of A Christmas Carol, Scrooge becomes a social butterfly, coming out of his coccoon and wishing everyone a Merry Chrystalis!"-- from a review of the Dickens classic in Entomology Today.

*** Well, it looks like those geniuses in Washington are combining Single Payer with Public Option---Yup, we'll have a Single Option! 'Oh the HUMANA!!'

*** Sea World in Orlando is calling the recent tragedy "a fluke".
In the meantime the aquarium announced that for the whale Tikilme-elmo, this is his third strike, having killed two other humans previously while playing the circuit.
Said the Seaquarium director solemnly "We have no choice but to give him his swimming papers"
The whale is scheduled to appear on Larry King Live to tell his side of the story. By the way, I heard that the host is getting so cadaverous, they're thinking of putting a question mark after the show's title.

*** Republican Sen John Boehner---the world's only walking embalmed man.

*** Interesting. I was watching this show, Seven Signs of the Apocalypse, and it turns out that the sixth one was predicted in Revelations and read "And it shall come to pass that there will be a great lamentations and gnashing of teeth as those Pharisee Hypocrites who call themselves educators, will through their electro-visual power of story-telling, show a nauseating multitude of shows about the Apocalypse."

Scatological Alert!!

*** True. I just read that English monarchs had in their employ two men , called Lords of the Stool, whose royal chore it was to wipe the Sovereign's posterior after he had evacuated his bowels. As if that was not an honor enough, they also were charged with carefully examining the monarch's feces for signs of health or disease.
It were these faithful servants, who in their leisure time unwinding to friends and family, originated the phrase "Same shit, different day!"