Hail to the Chiefs, Part I

Being that this is the beginning of the President Sale-Day Weekend (and aren't most presidents up for sale?), we (me) think it is "not only fitting , but proper" (and if you want a good fitting, it's only proper to try the clothes on)that we acknowledge some of these great men who made America what it is today--flat on its ass broke!.

So, in that sacred tradition we will pay homage to the extraordinary 44 men and no women who have taken the helm and steered the Ship of State, through calm waters and turbulent (and I will take the High Road here and eschew any smarmy jokes referring to Exxon captain Lee Hazelwod--so eschew on that for a while.)

George Washington, while being called "The Father of His Country" actually had no children of his own---however, he did blaze a trail into the future with his prolific sperm donations to many fertility clinics---clinics well-stocked with back issues of Colonial Maidens Gone Wild and the Bawdy Tales of Benjamin Franklin: The Paris Years.
Fun Fact: the salutations used in his letters to his wife,
two centuries later inspired the Beatles to write "Martha My Dear".

John Adams---though short and short-tempered, he used his political skill to keep us at peace with England and France, which was greatly helped by the fact that all three countries, try as they did, couldn't find an issue to get their noses bent out of joint over.
Fun Fact: When his child, John Quincy Adams, was born, he was quoted as saying.
"I think it's wonderful that he was born in a nation where any boy can grow up to be president---and God help him if he doesn't!!
He was also the only man to serve as both President and Vice-President, which to the consternation of the electorate occurred during the same term!

Thomas Jefferson- ---Tom did it all---he wrote the Declaration of Independence, without which there never would have been that Nicholas Cage movie National Treasure.
He switched our currency from British pence and pounds, to dollars and cents, as many merchants were complaining they were putting on so many pounds, they couldn't put on their pence.
He formed the Democratic Party and changed their name to the Republican Party---the first instance of someone inadvertently almost giving away the hustle.
He wrote "All men are created equal and endowed by their creator...".
His slaves would have a good laugh at that one, while recognizing the insight of the "endowed" part.
One fetching slave (actually she was often fetching and stepping)in particular, Sally Hemming, caught his eye and threw it back to him. With her he fathered a line that two centuries later would proudly boast that they were "movin' on up to the East Side".

James Madison--- he was known as the Father of the Constitution, and had he had the foresight to see two centuries into the future, would have had second thoughts about creating The Supreme Court and have taken out a restraining order against it to protect his progeny.
It is equally regrettable that he lacked the historical insight to see that the War of 1812 was coming right along on schedule, and would not have ignored British terrorist warnings.
Alas, the original British Invasion resulted in the White House being burned down, and worst of all, he had let his Home Insurance policy lapse.
Fun Fact: His wife, Dolly, was the witty and stylish 19th century hostess with the mostest, who, unfazed by the calamity, laughed it off saying "Well, one thing you can say about the British---they sure know how to paint the town redcoat!!".

They had a strong marriage and Madison was quoted as saying" I can't ever see me and Dolly partin'!"

James Monroe---He is most famous for the Monroe Doctrine, which defiantly and in no uncertain terms(including his own) proclaimed that the rest of the world better keep their greedy mitts off South America.
Upon the signing of the doctrine, he made it clear by saying, "Hey, if anybody's gonna repress and exploit that continent, it's gonna be us!

Monroe also purchased Florida from Spain, only for the little known reason that he wanted to spend the winters in Boca Raton.
Fun Fact: The often ridiculed idea that he was the ancestor of Marilyn Monroe has been thoroughly discredited. However, scientists have proven beyond a doubt that he was the great-great-great-great-great grandfather of John Waters film star Divine.

John Quincy Adams ---Most well known for being the son of the 2nd President, John Adams, it really irked him no end that that was what he was most known for. This stuck in his craw to the degree that he was famous for pissing off his foes, as well as his friends.
This prompted one contemporary wag to observe "President Adams doesn't have an enemy in the world---only his friends can't stand him!"
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Fun Fact:---highly well read and articulate, Adams was known in his own right for witty remarks, such as "Everybody talks about the weather but no one wants to put on galoshes!" and "Give a man a fish and he eats for a day; teach him to fish and he'll bore you to death with his endless boasting!"

(To be Continued)