Non-sesquipedalianistic and Sweet!!

*** I'm from a very close-knit family---we had to get close to pick the nits off each other.

*** My agent said I'm making World History---he advised me to update my jokes!
For example," he said, "jokes about the Supreme Court decision Plessy vs. Ferguson are unlikely to kill!"
He also said I'm "telegraphing" my punch lines---okay, I'm learning how to Twitter.

*** My cousin brought his dog to a pet psychiatrist---says he has a Melancholy Great Dane.

*** We prefer keeping our money in a 401K---it's much more personal than a bank---at least you get to borrow back your own money at high interest!

*** My crooked Uncle Max was always kinda of a low-rent criminal---for years he ran a small-time money "cleaning" operation behind the front of a Coin Laundry.

*** Well, whatdya know?? Promiscuous niece Sultrina is showing artistic talent, and is leading a new creative movement---Pop-Tart!

*** Damn those 60's!! At my age I'm starting to have Acid Reflux Flashbacks!.

*** One of our neighbors out here kept telling us how this and that family were "good people! I admit we gotta chill when he was arrested last week for cannibalism!

*** Man Google is amazing!! You can type in almost any two nouns and get something.
Yesterday, I googled "Celebrity nostrils" and got 9 websites---four on Karl Malden , three on Brock Peters and two on Dionne Warwick!