Holier Than Tao

It's a thrill to be back---it's more than a thrill, it's a warm stiff drink down the Chakras (the topic of today's discourse).

I'd like to thank Son of Carnak and Native-Indian comic Passing Water for filling in for a while.
Yes, as you were told I have had many a scary run-in with Homeland Security, who seem to believe just because I have long hair and beard and wear robes that I'm a terrorist.
I keeping telling them "Hey! I could be the last Haight-Ashbury holdout!!"
Or my Uncle Shlomo whose mind is all but gone---hey, senile just ain't something Cleopatra was able to do!!---he has long hair and a beard and wears old robes---I guess you could expect this from a man who was president of the Howard Hughes Fan Club!

He is no terrorist---terrifying yes!---but no terrorist!

Anyway, I finally appear to be freed of all suspicion---I know this because the head of Homeland Security sent me a Hallmark card of apology, with a sad-eyed puppy on the front.

Now to todays' topic:Chakras .

What are Chakras?: They are eight spiritual vortexes(which is why they don't show up on X-rays) distributed along the length of the body from the groin to the crown of our head (However, due to a recent class action suit by the arms, legs, hands and feet there may be eight more chakras added, pending the outcome of the case now in the lower courts in Nepal-incidentally there is more litigation presently going on to have both Chakra and Vanilla available!.)

What is their function?: The chakras are the openings of the conduits, if you will,(even if you won't---what do I care!!) through which the divine life force (or "chi", "prana", "satsuma", "good ol' get up and go, by golly!!") flows inward and outward through your body (which incidentally inspired George Harrison's "Within You, Without You" on Sgt. Pepper---you know, the one everyone eventually started skipping over---nah, but I kid the epochal musical messenger!)

The aim of meditation or the heavy use of acid or mushrooms is to open the chakras as wide as possible so one may be come imbued, indeed stewed to the gills with the loving, infinite, creative universal energy---or as I personally call it, Jerome..
When one is in such a transcendent state, do not be surprised if it elicits comments such as "Darling, you look simply divine tonight!" at cocktail parties.

Where are the chakras located?

The chakras each have a primary color In order of the color spectrum, (yunno ol'ROYGBIV) the spirit/body, with each succesive one representing a step upward in spiritual evolution.

So naturally, the lower or bottom chakra is centered in the genital area, which I call Master Hapi, and my beloved Sylviadayenta calls strictly off limits.
This chakra, though which an extraordinarily pleasant feelings are experienced, can also be the source of great human misery!, ---let's put it this way, Tiger Woods right now is like the economy,in the red!!........Buddha damn it!!........At this point, Krishna Morty has been advised that he must vacate Uncle Funny's House of Enlightened Ha-Ha's, as a bomb threat has been called in by the police, who learned that a long hair and bearded man in robes is addressing an audince--- I must make sandal tracks!!

(To be continued next Monday)

"Peace in our Time!"