"So It's Loot Loot Loot From the Home Team..."

Reports are that, not even two days after the New York Yankees took the World Series, team owner George Steinbrenner has heard from many of the players’ agents wishing to “renegotiate” contracts. Highly placed sources within Yankee management have confirmed the following:

+++ Shortstop Derek Jeter, besides asking for a 5-year contract totaling 500 million dollars, would like, in addition, 35% of the gate for all Yankee home games and 10% of all vending sales.

+++ Third Baseman Alex(A-Rod) Rodriguez is demanding, in lieu of salary, half-ownership of the team, as well as Yankee Stadium. Also, he would like to be made an exception as the only player in baseball still allowed to use steroids. Finally , he would like more team photos emphasizing his “mixed-breed blue-eyed Fernando Lamas looks.”

+++ Designated Hitter Hideki Matsui, the series’ MVP’s demands are thought to be, by many analysts, the most extravagant in baseball history. They include, the Japanese be declared the real winners of World WarII., The Japanese be allowed to drop atomic bombs on any two random US cities at some undisclosed dates. Matsui is also asking that he be accompanied by George Steinbrenner to Japan where he will show his boss “the thrill of flying his first solo Kamikaze mission.”
Furthermore, since "Godzilla" has become his nickname, he is demanding 50% of the gross of all past, present or future showings of any Godziilla movie.
As far as salary, Matsui is demanding 12 million a year “to be paid please in Yens, as the American dollar is no longer worth a Sumo wrestlers sweaty diaper!”
Another demand was that punitive action be taken against teammates who for years mocked him when he was told by the manager to make a sacrifice at the plate "Hey Mazda, that don't mean committing Hari Kari!!"
Finally, he is insisting that the lowly, nondescript title of "Designated Hitter" be changed to "His Exalted Mighty Samurai of Batmanship".