*** One of our dogs constant barking day and night is, I believe making me come unhinged---“Be quiet Sam!!” I yell all day and night!!. What scares me is our female dog’s name is Tandy.
*** Sometimes when I see Angela Jolie I think about licking her lips and sticking her by her head to a window. Hey, you have your fantasies, I have mine.
*** You know you're gettin' on in years when your bank sends you calendars two-months at a time.
*** There’s a town hussy down the street who seems intent on making the married men forsake their marriage vows. I was walking by her house and she was sitting on the porch holding a small dog. I asked amiably, “Is that your lapdog?” “Oh is he ever!!” she purred..
*** I could never be any good at handling marital indiscretions. My wife would always find out when I couldn’t resist registering as ”Mr. and Mrs. John Jokesmith.”.
*** It’s tough being married to a teacher. I’m always getting pop quizzes--- “What did I just say?” “Did you hear me?”
*** I used to be JFK assassination buff----I analyzed those gunshot wounds through and through. I'm still not entirely sure of the truth, but have narrowed the guilty parties down to Oswald himself, the CIA, the Mafia, Lyndon Johnson, anti-Castro Cubans, pro-Castro-Cubans, the Polar Bear Club, NAMBLA and the New Christy Minstrels.
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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