The Zounds! of Music

A Look at Today's Music

I was a teenager during the Classic Age of Rock, the 1960's.
Back then we had real music, by real artists, who had something real to say, with real guitars.
We had the Beatles, Dylan the Stones, The Who, Jefferson Airplane, The Kinks, The Doors, The Cowsills, The 1910 Fruitgum Company, The Partridge Family
We learned how beautiful, serene, peaceful and loving the world can be---especially after that third toke.
We opposed the Vietnam War---many out of ideals and principles--many because they were not all that keen on being sent 10,000 miles to find themselves the hors d'oeuvre at the end of a Punji Stick.

Since I do not listen to radio stations that cater to the tastes of the younger generation--you know like "Alternative to Music Rock",
I usually find out who the latest "stars" are in the music biz by watching the Grammy's, or the American Music Awards, or The Music Video Awards, etc.
Besides often showering glory on the current superstar who won't be heard from again after two years, they give me a pretty good idea of the contemporary stars and trends.
These I can break down into a few general categories:
1) Heavy Alternative Grunge Metal---
These groups usually have names such as Can't Get it Down My System, or something like that, Stone Age Haberdashers,
, Pyromaniacs for Poland, Bleeding Apricots, Death Dust Bunnies and Satan's Dog-Sitters.
If you've heard all their songs, you've heard one!! : 3-5 dispiriting bass notes that descend so far that a few of their bass players have added an extra foot to their fret bars. .
The lyrics usually consist of one or two phrases repeated ad nauseum in a primordial grunt last heard in the opening sequence of 2001:A Space Odyssey..

2) Female Rhythm and Blues and Soul Singer

Protypes: Beyonce Whitney Houston's, Mariah Carey's, Christine Aguilera, Jennifer Hudson---all possessing such powerful and flexible voices, they can change a one-syllable word in the lyric into at least 14 syllables. They can drag out the National Anthem at a baseball game so long that in order to save time , some games have started with the third inning.
At concerts, audiences are issued helmets to protect them from the shattered falling chandelier glass..
At one performance a singer was held at bay by a pack of yelping dogs.

3) Rappers (of course performing in the Non-Musical portion of the show).

Groups with names like Green T ZQ, ("My Bitch Ain' No Ho"), The Bench Warrant Boyz ("Girl you Go Upside My Head"), Slick Cool Handy Wipes Z-3("Yo'
Ho is My Bitch")and The Death Row Five ("Dya Know What I'm Sayin' Cos That's What I'm Talkin About")

4) How can we forget Country and Western Music( besides easily).

All the men are named Keith or Clint or Chris .
They all try to affect a cowboy look, often wearing a cowboy hat--makes you wonder why they're not off somewhere being saved by a rodeo clown.
Their songs can all be summed up in the lyric,
"Baby, I hope you come back to me, I know I was wrong. I'm a cheater, a boozer, a hell-raisin' rowdy, I'm wanted in 12 states, I poisoned your dog, your granny and your granny's dog, John Walsh is after me personally, and I sold your house and had you evicted. Can we at least let bygones be bygones?"
The female C&W singer, usually named Traci, Taylor or Lauren or Lori answers the male singer that, even though he's been a rotten no good worthless, contemptible jerkwad---gosh, there's still somethin' about him she wants back---usually her possessions.

5) And lastly, what pop music survey would be complete without the Training Bra to Braless Nymphettes

You know 'em.
When they're 10 to 13, it's all about how chaste and wholesome they are---Britney Spears, Hannah Montana, Mandi Moore. People of great rectitude don't mind their children being fans because they're just such a 'breath of fresh wholesome air' from those older Madonna-type sluts, wearing skimpy suggestive outfits and thrusting their pelvises.
But then when they hit 14 or so, it's "I'll show you mine if you show me the money!!" Next thing you know they're driving drunk and getting into crashes. They're being photographed obviously going "commando". They wind up on the Internet with a tape showing them having sex with the Backstreet Boys, Kevin Federline and Flavor Flav