News in a Nut's Shell

· "Madoff's personal belongings up for auction" --- Don’t they mean our belongings?·

· "Unemployment Rate Jumps Past 10 Percent" ---Treasury Secretary Geithner confident though that a dramatic increase in suicide jumps will lower that number.
·
· "Newborns Cry in Their Native Tongue, Study Finds" --- Some question conclusions of investigation since it was conducted only in North and South America, and their finding that, south of the border, all babies go “JUA!!!”
·
· "Woman Says She Escaped From Suspected Serial Killer"---Personally I’d keep that on the down low---you don’t wanna piss him off!!
·
· "Scientists Move 1 Step Closer to Space Elevators" ---"We're finally off the ground floor" commented one.

· "Wall Street Overcomes Challenge for Ticker Tape Parade" --- due to ticker tape shortage, they substituted unsold newspapers and magazines.

“CDC Criticized for Distributing Scarce Flu Vaccines to Wall St. Firms”--- ---CDC chief claims he misread millions of e-mails requesting that he send the firms the Swine Flu!

"US Jobless Rate at 26-Year High"--- lets see---that would be 1983 ---the year I started teaching high school English!! I knew there was some reason I jumped into that fire!! ·

"Fired Engineer Opens Fire in Orlando Office, Police Say" ---Reportedly yelled before shooting, "One more damn year and I woulda had the executive bathroom key!!” ·

"The Real Story Behind the Men Who Stare at Goats" ---Lets hope it has nothing to do with Kiddie Porn!!


|