Paternity Ward

THIS IS NEWSIES TO ME:

· "Study Finds Dogs Understand Gestures Like Human Toddlers" You're kidding!!

· "Man Dies After Car Plunges Off Grand Canyon" – Guess he didn't understand that he could see Thelma and Louise on DVD.·

"Plane Makes Emergency Landing After Hole Opens in Cabin"---that’s the toilet you idiots!!

· "72-Year-Old Woman Trying to Have Baby" ---when the kid’s born, he’ll be 32!!

"First-ever all-pet airline takes to the skies in New York"---fly the Frisky Skies
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I watched the All-Star Game last night, or as it's now called, an Evening with Barack Obama.
I mean we watch the guy talkin' to the players before the game---okay, now it's time to throw out the first pitch (unlike Jim Brown who used to throw out the first bitch!)
And guess who gets to bring Obama the ball---only one of the great ballplayers of all time, Stan Musial, now 88. He brings Obama the ball...O-k-a-a-ay!! then he throws the first pitch---high and inside---reminded me of me..., but I digress ---anyway, NEXT, he' sitting with the broadcasters talkin' baseball, and of course the network feels obliged to keep the camera on him, therefore missing several plays, or seeing them without any commentary from the distracted announcers.
No shit, I was almost expecting him to grab a glove and play shortstop for one of the teams... I heard though that the manager drew the line there.



*** Okay, bear with me on this one--- I think anyone who knows cats realizes that nature endows newborn kittens with temporary ventiloquism skills---perhaps to confuse possible predators?
I mean these little suckers can be in one place in a room, and everytime they squeak they have you looking on the other side of the room, the room next door, upstairs... I tell ya their natural born Edgar Bergen's.
I would have said currently popular comic ventriloquist Jeff Dunham, but I mean, the guy's lips move more than the dummy's!!