The Audacity of Despair

*** Denial of mortality is one thing, but my aunt's ridiculous! She said she's taking a can of Endust with her when she's buried.

*** I read in Greek mythology that, when the God of Music peformed on Mount Olympus, they called it Live from Apollo.

*** When I visited my old neighborhood last year I was kickin' it Old Shul.

*** It is reported that since Obama continued Bush's military policies in the MIddle East he's increased his smoking to Af/Pak.

*** My wife complained, "Sometimes you think with your penis!" I said, "Think I can get on Letterman's 'Stupid People Tricks?'"

*** I think everyone has their own personal litany of epithets when they lose it---The first time I heard my wife's "Motherfuckin' son of a whore!!" I said "Hey, lets not get personal here!"

*** Obama took heat at Notre Dame because of his pro-choice stance. Notre Dame is very proud of its Irish Catholic heritage and ideals---yunno, like having black Protestants play for them on the football team.

*** I feel that life is just one long passing parade with all of us desperately waiting for the Bullwinkle float.

*** Ron Howard and Tom Hanks must have no clothes---one of the trades said, "It'll be a long time before they put on duds again!"