Big Bang, Big Shmang!!

*** It is taught that those who talk much know little, while those who talk little know much. This explains much about the current state of the world.

*** The wife, Sylviadayenta often criticizes my teachings. The Nirvana!!

*** I go, not to a doctor, but to a Shaman. His name is Mahatma Melvin Goldstein.
Whatever compaint I have he treats with organic herbs, massage or applying, acupuncture (yeah he stuck me with the bill for that too!) aromatherapy, applying pressure to "pressure points", etc.
He often has me perform odd behaviors like tapping on my head 6 times, then repeating same down both sides of my face and ending with my chin.
I asked him why I did it. He said, "Oh, it always brings me great amusement to see my patients do silly things!"
For my headache, he squeezed tightly the skin between my thumb and forefinger---his squeezing caused me great pain and I told him so---he said, "Betcha forgot about your headache, right??"
He said I should wear a magnetic bracelet---"You can charge it!"
He suggested I get a colonic---I told him I had a man come in twice a day! Nah but I kid the alternative manifesation of the divine spirit!!
Before I left he offered to have my chakras balanced and realigned for $19.95.

*** It is a custom to attempt to enlighten people in overnight teaching sessions---I encourage my faithful followers to take a couple of seekers home, teach them wisdom and truth, and keep me informed as to their progress. I always remind them to "take two aspirants and call me in the morning!"

*** I understand that auras are now available in Hi-Def!

*** Psychics can see our auras and tell of our condition by the colors they see.
We're all wearing giant "mood rings."
One psychic was known as the Mr. Blackwell of astral body perception. "Ugh," he'd say, "as to your aura, it looks like
Elton John's clothes closet exploded!"

*** One downside of our beliefs--no holidays!

*** The teachings of the ancient Jewish mystical text, The Kaballah, has attracted many celebrities, including Madonna who converted. Haven't those people suffered enough, for God's sake!

*** My nephew says he is practicing Chi Gong--- I said, "What, are you doing a one man show as Sammy Davis Jr.??"