And the Oscar goes to...sleep

The Oscars--an overblown, overlong, tasteless exercise in Hollywood's self-congratulations and narcissism---with their honored choices ultimately of questionable aesthetic value---and I wouldn't miss it for the world!

Here are my predictions:
** Best Director---no one cares, apparently least of all the Academy,which has this asinine habit of giving the award to a director that didn't direct the Best Picture.

** Meryl Streep will use her great acting ability to pretend she's happy when Kate Winslet gets the Best Actress Oscar.

** Heath Ledger will get Best Supporting Actor for his use of that ironclad guarantee of being so honored---dying. Sorry, Robert Downey---just ain't the best year for wearing blackface, no matter how good the performance.

** Mickey Rourke, as a broken down has-been seeking redemption, will win Best Actor for playing the same part.

** Best Picture will go to...hmm..lets see, The Reader---neah, that Nazi war crime accomplices thing is so retro---yeah, we get it ---Hitler's boys and girls were not the Salvation Army.
--The Strange Case of Red Buttons, or whatever that thing is called--no way
-- Frost/Nixon--oh, that's so 1977--beside Anthony Hopkins already did the Tricky Dick thing.
-- Milk---yeah, topical right now...Proposition 8 and all that, however, it's a "Lets give it up for the Wretched of the Earth, the poor people of India," kind of kooky year---Slumdog Millionaire will walk away with Best Picture to the strains of 'Hooray for Bollywood.'
Yes, we're even outsourcing the Oscar this year.

Best Song---From Slumdog Millionaire "Ain't Too Proud to Beg"

In a special moment, Steve Martin will be publicly humiliated and stripped of his Academy membership for "sullying the images of three great performers: Spencer tracy (Father of the Bride), Phil Silvers (Sgt. Bilko) and Peter Sellers(The Pink Panther).