Hit the Road Jackhammer

*** My wife can be difficult to get along with. I told her, "I live and breathe for you!" She said, "I think you should try the opposite approach!"

*** A New York friend of mine used to go to Chinatown to pick up women---he was lookin' for love in all the Wong places!

*** Someone asked me if I ever read "Notes from the Underground." I said, "No, but I heard them." Whatdya mean?" he asked. I said, "I heard a rock band rehearsing in the London subway!"

*** I just couldn't convince my uncle that his being a tailor didn't make him "a man of the cloth".

*** My wife said she dreams about having an affair with Frosty the Snowman---I'm sick of her telling me about the way he "just melts in my arms!"

*** We used to call our Rabbi the "Sheriff of NothingHam".

*** I never have like Kaiser rolls. Those little spiked points on top keep hurting my throat.

*** It was revealed that against his wishes, Elvis was buried instead of cremated. Apparently he left explicit orders, "Return to Cinder!"

*** I once dated an Indian girl who had buffalo hides on her bed for blankets. When I got in, she started singing, "I've Got You Under My Skins".