Gag me With a Lampoon

"Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich was arrested today on federal corruption charges
including an attempt to sell the U.S. Senate seat recently vacated by President-elect
Barack Obama"---he had the audacity to hope that by putting the chair on e-Bay he'd make a fortune.

*** Astronomers have estimate that the smallest measurement of time on the planet Ork is the Nanu-second.

*** Recently deceased actor Paul Benedict from "The Jeffersons" was hailed by the NAACP as a key figure in the civil rights movement as a "white man who allowed a black man to walk all over his back."

*** My sister told me that our uncle must have some kind of phobia about crossing bridges, She said, "He has trouble passing water!"

*** I'm a very conscientious and scrupulous worker. I always try to dot my "T"s and cross my "I"s.

*** A man has developed a puzzle which is a combination of a crossword and sudoku---all the answers are zip codes.

***Two psychics met on the street, and one said, "You're fine. How am I?"