Far From the Madding Cow

*** Everything's dog eat dog these days. My guru' demanding 15% of my good karma!.

*** I wouldn't say we're lazy housekeepers, but on Halloween we didn't have to buy fake cobwebs.

*** We got a space heater--- Captain Kirk put up a hell of a struggle, I'll tell ya, trying to keep his phaser!

*** I mean, Sunday School for kindergartners!!---soon they'll be wanting the kid's first words to be "Holy Mama."

*** The government finally released it's final, conclusive report on the UFO phenomena--- "People are just seeing things!"

*** We have very polite poltergeist in our house---they never knock before 11, and when they throw dishes, they always clean up the mess.

*** I told my shrink I had a body image problem---that I thought I was ugly.
He said, "No, there's nothing wrong with you!"

*** He then said he's losing patience with me---I'm scaring them out of the waiting room!

*** The makers of the new bond film, "Quantum of Solace", are starting on their next one, "Paradigm of Consternation".

*** I used to be a one-man-band, but I couldn't keep the group together.

*** Wikipedia confuses me---I looked up "Hyrophobia"---It said a syndrome of being fearful of swimming after being bitten by a dog.

*** I have a feeling my boss wants me to quit---subtle signs, like, when I went in yesterday my desk was gone!