Thank God It's Sgt. Friday!

*** Yes sir, today's my lucky day!!:

"Hello Sir,
Goodday and i hope this mail meet up your aspiration to be rich in life.I
am Mr.Timi Aliagbe, the Managing Director of the Niger Delta Development
Commission(NDDC).
I come to you in peace and good news that will turn your life around."

Not only has he offered to put 3 million dollars into my checking account, but, what a stroke of luck!! He ALSO won the Welsh Lottery, some 16 million pounds and wants to put half of that in my acount too!! I tell ya, it's like a Capra film!!

***People asked me how I got started. I was doing stand-up in clubs and on TV, and some friends said, "Hey man, you oughtta tell jokes in an office and at parties!"

*** According to some sources, President Bush has turned exclusively to three advisors: Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Tom Collins.

*** My mother is 96-years old and never used glasses. She drinks right out of the bottle!

*** My niece moved from South Brunswick, New Jersey, to NORTH Brunswick---she and the family had to go through the Underground Railroad. "WE had a hell of a time understanding that Jersey Southern twang!" my niece said.

*** Billy Joel was asked what a "New York State of Mind" is? He said, "Yunno, pushy, loud, obnoxious and rude."

*** REO Speedwagon is on tour doing a medley of their three hits. Asked where the hell they've been for the past 26 years, the group's founder said, "We got stuck with that crummy old car, and it was a bitch getting parts for it! He also cited the group's alcohol problems with one member after another falling off the Speedwagon.

*** My wife and I were playing Scrabble, and she found herself with a rack of seven U's. She asked to trade letters with me, but my collection was just as bad. "Darling, I only have I's for U's!" said I.

*** I don't know about my sister. I asked her how often she rotates her tires. She answered, "Duh, like I drive the car every day!!!"

*** When Adam came home late one night Eve counted his ribs.