*** My uncle was a famous boxer for a while---he defeated Kid Callahan, Kid Mulligan, Kid Chandler---but then they made him fight adults!
*** I've heard that when tipping cows you should always give them 15%.
*** I was 'kickin' it old school' yesterday---I went by the old school and got my ass kicked!!
***I only play clubs with a 6 drink minimum---they're rollin' in the aisles and I don't even have to go on stage!
***My doctor told me that two drinks a day is good for my health---great, not only do I have to pay his office fee, but also a 2-drink minimum!
***Actually, it only takes one drink to get me drunk---I just can't remember if it's the 14th or 15th!
*** The vet told us our dog has hydrophobia---that's ridiculous--he LOVES to swim!
*** I have a pathological fear of Widths!!
*** I went to a Buddhist doctor yesterday---he put the stick in my mouth and told me say "Ohm"!
*** I'm startin' to take Global Warming seriously---the weatherman said we're gonna have some relief tomorrow: a cool and comfortable 93 degrees!
*** Adam Sandler has signed to be in the remake of "Gunga Din" ---he's playing The Waterboy.
*** Some critic said my act needs polish---I had no idea my shoes were scuffed!
*** My boss fired me from my telemarketing job---he said I was just phoning it in!
The One Liners #365
16 years ago
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