Lost Verizon

*** Who do atheists thank for Friday?

*** Why was the computer virus hungry?
---it hadn't had a byte to eat.

*** McCain heaquarters defended their candidate's ownership of seven homes.
"The senator sometime absent-mindedly wanders off onto the wrong plane and, well, frankly, we don't want him lost in any part of the country more than 50 miles from one of his homes."

*** In what's being hailed as a stroke of political genius, Barack Obama is expected to name as his VP the woman fathered by the late Strom Thurmond with a black servant woman.
Enthused one staffer, "We get the white redneck vote and REALLY balance the ticket in the same stroke!"

*** My wife wants to travel to Germany and rent a car. As a Jew,I said I'm still not at the point where I'd be capable of asking a German for some gas.