In the Wee Wee Hours of the Morning

*** Talking of Chinese Water Torture, have they had that idiotic synchronized swimming yet?

*** I watched a golf tournament the other day---what a bunch of putts!

*** The students where I used to teach, for the most part, weren't real swift. My definition of "gross stupidity" was 144 of them.

*** I took my ditzy sister for her first time to a Dog Track. She said, "Hey! Looks like all the jockeys fell off!!"

*** The safest way to fly, it has been proven, is to take a plane.

*** John McCain has taken a 5-point lead over Barack Obama in a latest poll---in a related story, Ralph Nader has taken a 6-point lead over Pogo, Alfred E. Neumann, the late Pat Paulsen and the Olson twins.

*** It's always been funny to me that the word "puissant" means powerful. Imagine going over to a muscular, tattooed biker and saying, "You look very puissant!"

*** I bought this funny novelty item---the guy told me it was a Polish diaphragm. I found out later from a Native-American that it's called a "dreamcatcher"

*** My wife said that sometimes I'm hard to take, but she always figures out a way.

*** I'm opening up a restaurant with all psychic waitesses---your food will be ready when you get there!