Break-Ins and Yeggs

*** I used to be a protest singer---I'd continue no matter how much people protested!

*** Isaac Newton at first didn't realize the gravity of what happened under the apple tree.

*** I love that song written by a recovering necrophile, "Pardon Me Miss, But I've Never Done This With a Real Live Girl."

*** When I told my wacked-out nephew that I was a Baby Boomer, he said, "Cool! You used to go around blowing up nurseries?!"

*** That Classic Rock group used to put out one tour de force after another---sadly, these days they're forced t'tour!

*** It's a lot of fun to tell someone who's really stoned to "Hold that thought!"

*** Psychic John Edward, admited, like his near-namesake that he had been cheating on his wife with a woman who died 78 years ago.

*** The White House has released President Bush's schedule for the week: "Radio Address", "Happy Hour", Consultation with Joint Chiefs of Staff", "Meeting With Johnny Walker", "Press Conference", "Hair of Dog", "Fly Back to China to Pick Up Laundry", "Appear with Laura on the Dr. Phil Show", "Check into Betty Ford Clinic."

*** I have proof that a group of paranoids are out to get me!

*** Archaeologist have unearthed the first song ever writen---by God, addressed to Adam: "Don't Sit Under the Apple Tree With Anyone Else But Eve".

*** The Health Department finally closed that grocery store down the block. Last March they sold mouldy bread advertised as a St. Patrick's Day Special!

*** The Department of Justice is looking into massive donations to the Obama campaign from Oreo Cookies.

*** Latest documents reveal that Julia Child's stint as a spy led to one of her most popular dishes, "Fried Rosenbergs".

*** Is it just me or does John McCain look like that old semi-retired executive at the bank who just comes in for a few hours a day to sit at his desk, shuffle some papers and shoot
the breeze with old time customers?