Shiggles!

*** A Chicago woman yesterday gave birth to a baby with a moustache---the mother was reportedly tickled to death.


*** John Lennon's love for Yoko proves that love is not only blind, but also TONE DEAF!

***I patronized a prostitute today--I belittled her heartlessly for over an hour.

*** I asked my wife to make me a vegetable ---when I said yes, she tried to hit me over the head with a sledge hammer!

*** Despite his advanced age my Alzheimer-ridden granddad is still quite the ladies' man--he fucks 'em and forgets 'em!

*** Upon hearing that Obama was herediterally black and white, Ted Turner offered to colorize him.

*** Masses have flocked to a small Italian village after a woman, looking at a statue of the Virgin Mary, claimed it looked exactly like a taco..

*** After all these years it has been learned that the famous "Deep Throat" of Watergate fame was, in fact, Linda Lovelace.

*** Heather Mills, stil bitter after not getting the amount of money she wanted from ex, Paul McCartney, ruefully admitted she never had a leg to stand on.

***I'll bet Bob Hope never dreamed "Thanks for the Memory" would these days be sung to computer repairmen.

*** I wonder what actors Mary Mastrantonio's and Joe Pantaliano's real names were before they changed them.

*** Miley Cyrus, after hearing her purported dad's "Achy Breaky Heart", has officially challenged his paternity in court.

*** Literary historians have found a book of synonyms used by the sibling authors of "Jane Eyre" and "Wuthering Heights"--they're calling it a "Bronte-saurus."