Japes and Jests

*** George Bush said at his press conference that the economy is fundamentally sound.
"Hey, all my friends are working!" said the President.

*** John McCain was adamant today when he said, "My friends, I can reasonably assure you that whatever it was I said yesterday, I think I still believe today!"

*** My dumb blond cousin said she was going to sleep her way to the top---she didn't realize she could get on top anytime she wanted!

*** I've decided I will overcome my prejudices and I will vote for Obama, despite the fact that he's half-white!

*** A literary scholar revealed today that George Bernard Shaw's original title for one of his most famous plays was "Man and Wonder Woman".

*** I think my aunt should get a new doctor. He informed her that there was good news and bad news about my uncle-- "Bad News: He's dead,; the Good News: his condition is stable."

*** My dentist is another beaut---after an examination I asked him, "How's it look, Doc?" He said, "It looks like a new Jaguar for me!"

*** I gotta a new shirt. It says, "My friend Went to the The Holocaust Museum in Washington and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt!"

*** My doctor told me to play 18-holes a day, so I bought a harmonica.

*** I don't think my friend's blond girlfriend is too bright. She bought him a "I'm With Stupid" T-shirt!

*** I'm proud to say I am now earning six figures---unfortunately they're all zeroes!

*** I wouldn't say my credit's bad, but I was turned down for a library card!"