Thanks Mom...

Thanks Mom for teaching me to drive at such a young age---I know, you needed a getaway car driver, but still...

Thanks mom, for teaching me that whatever foul deeds and moral transgressions I may commit in life, there is nothing more unpardonable than spilling a glass at the dinner table, usually met with the Old Testament response of a resounding slap across the face! But ma, did you have to do it again when I broke the glass to end my wedding ceremony?

Thanks mom, for those little endearments: "My little klutz!""You're such an adorable shlomozzle!!" and,"Why did they have to go execute those nice Rosenbergs? Why couldn't it have been you??"

Thanks mom, for making it clear to me that being the only son in a Jewish family I would have to become not only a doctor but also a lawyer, "That way you'll be able to defend yourself in malpractice suits, shmendrick!!"

Thanks for pointing out that I was overweight, after you'd been signing monthly Bills of Lading for Oreo cookies

Thanks for telling me when I was young that I had "such cute little girls' curls" and my legs were so nice,"You shoulda been born a girl!"- It took two years for the shrink to convince me that my desire for the opposite sex didn't mean I was a lesbian!


No, But I kid--only about 98% of what I wrote was true!

Happy Mother's day to Claire Harris, 98, born in 1912, exactly two weeks before the Titanic sank---so far no cause/effect relationship has been established.