Besieged Battered and Bewildered

*** Our small town restaurant just ain't deluxe---along with your table settings they give you a fly swatter!

*** I wouldn't say the Vatican's having a PR problem, but one young boy asked for an "audience" with the Pope. It seems he was afraid to be in a room alone with him. .

***A good marriage---Nobody wears the pants.

*** My computer is chronically slow---on mine the mouse is the device which moves the arrow and hourglass around!

My computer's performance is like my attempts to find work---every application fails!

I mean, I have F5 imprinted into my forefinger tip, already!!

*** In Britain, a woman went through four days of labor before giving birth to a boy.
The doctor said, "I never saw anything like it in all his born days!"

*** My wife burned all her old magazines---I called it the Bonfire of the Vanity Fairs!

*** Married men have it made in Hawaii---the word for both a wife and a woman is wahini!
Like, husband to wife, "What I do?! Whatdya mean I cheated?? I just slept with my wahini!!
Or, That was no wahini you saw me with last night---that was my wahini!!