Harris's Oscar Picks.

Okay, let me get one thing clear---I HATE the Oscars---I've hated them for 62 years---that's right ---I started listening to them in utero. (I'll prove it---Gentlemen's Agreement got Best Picturethat year--- Case closed!!) ) Okay, without further ado, I will now handicap the Oscars---assuming that I could possibly do a better job handicapping them than they do themselves!!

Lets get to the Best Picture category---before they increase the number to 20
nominees!

The Blind Side---or, Sandra Bullock actually doesn't suck in a film that doesn't suck too bad!!(could be a Dark Horse---or was that the Black Stallion?)

District Nine--- The Fly meets E.T. meets
Aliens meets Rambo meets Periodic Impulses to Regurgitate.. The shrimp people will be battered!

An Education--- I missed it-- Did that go direct to Beta-Max?

The Hurt Locker---something about bomb-de-fusers in Iraq---they could probably be put to better use in Hollywood!

Inglourious Basterds--- I guess they took Quentin Tarentino off his meds long enough for him to crank out another heartfelt, passionate homage to graphic, gratuitous violence. Somethin' about Brad Pitt and the Dirty Bakers Dozen "killin' Nat-zies".

Precious---emotional trials and tribulations of overweight afro-American females--- Hey, ain't that what Povitch and Springer are for?

A Serious Man---hey look---we already paid tribute to those quirky, kooky Coen Brothers two years ago for No Country for Old Men..
Maybe again sometime in the future when they come close to a product with mainstream appeal, but not now.

Up--- I think too many people are being carried away by Up. (Pardon my little pun there---or will it take the Governor to do that? .
Ya now what? The first 15 minutes or so were charming and enchanting---the rest of the film, uh, not so much!

Up in the Air--- heard it was good, but this year, the winner will be

Avatar--- giving James Cameron the opportunity, when receiving the Oscar, to yell "I'm The King of Pandora!!"
Basically Dances with Wolves, set 150 years in the future, plus an FX budget larger than the combined GNP of half the world's nations; not to mention a thinly-veiled condemnation of US imperialism to satisfy Hollywood's Limousine Liberals.

Best Supporting Actors---who cares??

Lets go right to Best Song:

Should be a tight race among,

from Up--- I've Heard of Ballooning Mortgages, But This Is Ridiculous!!

from The Blind Side---Tell Me True, Have You Been Seeing Someone on the Side?

from Inglourios Basterds---KIll Me Some Men Who Are Kraut-Hearted Men"