Channeling Carnak, Part II

Krishna Morty knows a guru/psychic/mystic/, Sidownyurokkindebowd, whose specialty is channeling famous comedians and comics.
We thank Krishnam Morty and and the great clairvoyant talent agent for this presentation:

Carnak the Magnificent is able to divine the answers to questions he has not seen, but have been in fact, sealed in a mayonaisse jar on Funk and Wagnell's front porch since noon that day. Carnak requires complete silence...

Dosey Do-- (Dosey Do)---What is your inheritance from Aunt Dosey’s will?


Chick Filet—(Chick Filet)--- How would Jack the Ripper describe his specialty

(May you experience potency only with your wife!)


The Audacity of Hope—(The Audacity of Hope)—What did many a celebrity say when Bob Hope interrupted their time on The Tonight Show .

Gross stupidity- (Gross Stupidity) —What do you call 144 Glenn Beck fans?

( May a crazed holy man put Super-Glue in your Preparation H!)

A Hero Lives in You –(A Hero Lives in You)--- how would a doctor describe your condition after eating an undercooked meatball sub?

Boom-a-locka Boom-a locka --(Boom-a-locka Boom-a-locka)-- How might you describe two bombs exploding at a bus station?

Jaguar (Jaguar)--what’s the unpretentious way of saying Jag-u-ar?

(A Cross Pen) (A cross Pen)---what kind of pen does the Pope use to sign his epistles?

(May a sick camel leave a memento on your new laptop!)

It Happened One Night (It Happened One Night)---how would many married men describe their sex lives.

Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears---name three recent subjects of some crack photography.