Reports of My Death Are Greatly Celebrated

*** "Florida Man Blames Cat for Child Porn on Computer"--- ok, I can't top this one.

*** Tammy Wynette is being taken out of the Country Music Hall of Fame after the Women's Council for Women's Issues released a devastating report concluding that her most famous hit, "Stand By Your Man" has been a major factor in ongoing battered women syndrome.

*** Rodney King is trying the music scene---his first song: I Fought the Law and Law Beat the Ever-lovin Crap out of Me!

*** My wife gets annoyed when I correct her grammar and use of malaprops.
I said, "Don't you wanna speak good English??! Don't you know the King's English??"
She said, No, but I know the Queen is!!"---wise guy!

*** So, the CEO of Blackwater has allegedly committed several homicides.
We need more men like him who lead by example!

*** Yunno, I think what TV is lacking right now is more shows about vampires---but that's just me.
I mean there are so many actors playing vampires these days that I hear young thespian hopefuls are having their orthodontists give them real fangs!
And producers are said to be warding off actors looking for pay increases with crucifixes.

*** Jesse Jackson said he is considering legal action against Bill Clinton for "stealing my gig as Professional Hostage Releaser and General Publicity Budinsky".

*** As regards that new reality show, "There Goes the Neighborhood"--Book of Revelations--the Suppressed Passages.

*** OK, I know Mark Twain said that "Man is the only animal which blushes---and needs to!"
But , is it just me or do dogs look sheepish and embarrassed when they're pooping? Okay, someone had to say it!!

*** Man , it's getting hard to pick an unused e-mail user-name these days.
I finally had to settle for StanislavskiMcMillanandWifeDeuteronomy
HeeHawWrongWayCorrigan12@...

*** Correction: I apololgize for the error some weeks back of identifying the great Japanese director of The Seven Samurai, Rashomon, Ran and Godzilla vs. Michael Meyers , as Hayakawa.
It was of course, Herbert Ross.

*** My wife asked me who played the Japanese Colonel in Bridge on the River Kwai. I said, "Hayakawa!"
She said " Ah...Sessue!!
I said, No, that's correct!!"
"Right, Sessue!!"
" Why are you arguin'?? That's the man's first name!!"
Oh Sessue's his first name!!"
" Yes honey, and did you know he was famous for giving Alec Guinness a box seat!

Happy ChemTrails to you till We Meet Again