The Da Vinci Area Code

*** We're never going to our local diner again. I mean it's off-putting to see tire tracks on your London Broil.

*** My cousin Sheldon has lost his sense of taste---but then again he never had a lick of sense anyway!

*** I learned that my stupid great-great grandfather lost a swordfight duel in the old country.
Seems the biased Prince offered him the use of his aluminum foil.

*** The trade dailies report that in a tribute to Roy Rogers, movie theaters will play "Happy Trailers to You" before showing previews.

*** I went to see my physician because of dizzy spells---he referrred me to a spin doctor.

*** I hope my new job prospect pans out---door-to-door Wikipedia Salesman.

*** Well, I guess it's time for the apology ritual after my wife and I had a fight---flowers, card, candy, having my tongue gripped by white-hot tongs as tears of pain stream down my face.

*** I don't know---my latest shrink calls himself a pre-Freudian.
No, I think it was a bad portent when he asked to use my white dress shirt for the Rorschach Test.
Then he showed me pictures and asked what the first thing was that came to my mind.
He showed me a house--- I said "sex".
a car------------- "sex".
a tree -------- "sex"
a lion-------------"sex"
He said, " I think you're a sex addict!"
I said "Hey man, you're the one showing me the dirty pictures!!