Brother Can You Paradigm?

"O.J. Simpson sentenced for up to 33 years-- Judge ignores plea, "I mean this time I didn't even kill anybody!"
"Mortgage woes for U.S. homeowners break another record--- Reports are that director Wes Craven wants to make a film of Bush's job resume.

"School ties: Obama has 20 Harvard classmates advising him"--- We're screwed!!

"Unemployment sets 34-year record" : Well, at least I was ahead of the curve by a few weeks!. Cutting edge! Yes!!

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*** My pathetic friend used to try to pick up girls at the VD clinic. What was worse was his pick-up line: "Do you come here often?" !

*** That new Nicole Kidman epic, "Australia" is getting mixed reviews: Bad and Terrible. The critics say the photography and scenery were beautiful. If only the actors didn't keep getting in the way!

*** My crooked uncle is in one of those "Minimum Security Prisons"---he makes personalized license plates.

*** He was once arrested for indecent exposure ---he'd show women his pubic hair and say, "Wanna see my Dick Van Dyke??"

*** I don't think my wife understand me. I usually feel that way when she says things like, "What the hell are you talking about??!

*** "George Bush Pardons White House Christmas Tree."

*** I dated some wild women. I took one to the movies and she started complaining that the man sitting next to her was masturbating. I said, "lets move!!" She said, "I can't---he's using my hand!!

*** Inside reports say that the alien code words "Klatu Barada Nikto" were changed in the re-make of "The Day the Earth Stood Still". At test screenings younger viewers thought it was a reference to the President-Elect.

*** Well, now my wife's gone missing. I told her not to use so much vanishing cream.

*** My wife and I are not great dancers. At one affair we alarmed people who thought we were having simultaneous Grand Mal seizures!

*** We did take first place though in the upcoming reality show, The Elaine Bennis Dance Competition".

*** I saw an attractive black chick , so I went up to her and said, "Hey sugar, I got plenty of flow in my pocket." She said, Ahh, bladder problem grandpa?!"

*** My idiot friend called this morning and invited me to a part at his house tonight. I asked him what the occasion was. He said, "Duh! It's Pearl Harbor Eve!!"

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