Yes We Have No Nirvanas

Hey World Wide Web--how's it going?? Are you all from here??

I will impart to you that my state is blissful today, but I had some really negative karma last week.

The custody battle with Sylviadayenta over our beloved child, Ayntwurthatinkasdam, grows even more ugly---as does Ayntwurthatinkasdam , for that matter.

It is our beloved son's S-O-L karma to have been born, shall we say, with a rather unsightly and unpleasant (OK , imagine Steve Buscemi and Sandra Bernhardt's Love Child) physical vessel for his otherwise impeccably beautiful insides---We constantly tell him this to build up his self-image ---emphasize his inner beauty, which is is why it was so heart-rending to hear recently his plaintive plea "Ma and Pa, can you please skin me!!"


As I was saying, the hearing for custody does not go well for yours holy, as my lawyers, Bilkum and Hykaurfees says all indications are that I will wind up with the little monk...er...beloved child.



But you do not want to hear Krishna Morty's problems---that's what I pay my Guru/Psychiatrist, Duzveriwelfrumeshuggenahs, for.

Today, I am here to speak of the highly successful publishing phenomenon, "The Secret", which has topped the Best Seller List for almost four years now.

For those unaware, or are still reading The DaVinci Code, the authors claim "The Secret" is the power to attract anything you desire into your life by just imagining it happening. The authors, who incidentally(and Occidentally) have attracted a great deal of wealth to themselves with this flapdoodle, claim that this idea is supported by the great spiritual wisdom of the agent...er ages.

I mean, these people could sell snake oil to a snake.

Nontheless, if nothing else, yours divine has an open mind, as attested to by Sylviadayenta who constantly make me mindful of the fact that I have a hole in my head.

I tested The Secret's promise.

One time when Krishna Morty was without an automobile due to a sudden unexpected downturn in the wisdom-seekers market---yes , even Krishna M's wise books, notably How to Live on Five Senses a Day, found itself in the Remainder Bin ("Make Us an Offer"), along with Vanna Speaks, I Only Play a Shnook on Television: The Poems of Tom Poston, and Barack Obama: A Visionary Leader.

Anyway The Secret told me that I should imagine, for 25 minutes a day, that I am sitting behind the wheel of a large, brand new Cadillac.

And it worked---sort of--- I got a job as a chauffeur for Snoop Dog.

Another time, when I was in dire need of funds, I Imagined lots of money coming into my life---not three days later it came in the mail in he form of a Master Card application.

Krishna Morty wouldn't say that he got himself in a sinkhole of debt, but he has more 800 numbers on his caller ID than there were in he Ninth Century!

What yours wisely is trying to say---and ain't it about time?-- is that The Secret's a crock of Chinese fertilizer!

The Great Cosmic Poo-Bah is not Santa Claus!!

"He/She/ It/ Androgyne"-- whatever!! asks us:

a) not to pray for 'conspicuous consumption' items---you know, bling-bling , shizizzle or livin' large stuff---this is what children do with Santa and similarly what hot young babes do with horny old gray bearded rich men.

b) If Krishna Morty may in all seriousness be serious here, ask for gifts of the spirit--love, compassion, forgiveness, charity, joy and all those other warm fuzzies---no, but I kid!! Very often your material wants will be answered too as a by-product as an extra-added bonus along with a case of Turtle Wax.

c) Here's the real secret---even our parents knew it, but we never really stopped to consider it, usually discarding it as a hoary parental cliche.

And it goes a little somethin' like this:

"God helps those who help themselves" i.e., righteous prayer must be wedded to action to achieve your goal.



To put it bluntly---yeah meditate and pray, but then get off your ass and start making it happen!



And for GOD's sake, stop buying all those Chopra and Dyer books already---yours spiritually needs a piece of that market himself!



Hey, I've been grating!!

See ya next time!!