Tales of the Markedly Irregular

??? Mr. and Mrs. Leonard Spitzkrieg of Canton, Ohio bought a house that, unbeknownst to them, was built directly over a Jewish cemetery.
It was not long before they were awakened during the night with strange voices saying such things as:

" God bless him! My son does very well for himself!";

" So, he hadda go and marry a shiksa!!" Now he never calls his mother!! Children!! Gey g gizint! They should live and be well!!

"Whaddya talkin' I'm a racist---'Shvatzah' just means "black"!!--but I tell ya, they all steal!!";

" I saw "Glengarry, Glennross" Oy, I had almost a stroke from the language!!

"Now, Joe Leiberman---there's a Mensch!!";

" So Max---you couldn't find a less wrinkled suit to be buried in??!"

"I've seen Fiddler... 27 times!! Don't tell me I'm not a good Jew!!"

"To be honest Murray, I coulda got you that coffin wholesale!!"

"Oh Calcutta! was good but did we really need to see all their business?? They couldn't wear some clothes God forbid??!"

The Spitzkrieg's in their desparation reached out to Barbra Streisand who was touched by the family's plight---She brought silence and peace to the house after she sang her greatest hits!
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???? Bille Bob Billbob of Biloxi, Mississippi said that on the evening of March 25, 2008 he was awakened by his dog's barking. he patted the pit bull on the head, and got out of bed and proceeded to the window.
While the dog lapped up its fourth beer, Billbob saw that a glowing object which he described as first cigar-shaped, then like a disk, then a boomerang,then a spitoon, had landed near his outhouse.
He said he saw about a dozen small, manlike creatures gathered apparently waiting for something. Then, one of them emerged from the outhouse, they all proceeded to Billbob's door which they walked right through.
They told the terrified man through mental telepathy that they were going to take him aboard their craft and subject him to a rigorous physical examination.

However, said Billbob, when they "discovereed I had no health insurance" they stamped "rejected" on his head, bundled into their saucer and vanished in the blink of an eye.
Later, when he regained some composure, Billbob said. "Man, that was a relief!! I was afraid they'd find out I stopped taking my blood pressure medication!!"
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??? Clyde and Hector Prunepit of Flagstaff, Arizona, two young brothers on August, 2004, were playing with the Ouija Board their father had bought them at Toys R Us.
The hair on the back of the boys' neck stood up when the planchette they were touching, seemingly of its own volition, spelled out "Help! I'm being held captive in a Hasbro Toy factory!!"