One Hundred Years of Solitaire

*** You can’t argue with women. I criticized my wife’s housekeeping the other day. She said, “How can you complain about it?---I haven’t done any!!

*** I’m addicted to placebos--- my friend is obsessed with operatic tenors---he’s addicted to Placidos.

*** The high school football coach asked his team during their pre-game meal where the halfback, fullback and quarterback were. He was told they went to the john. He asked one of his players to go see what the backs in the boys room will have.

*** I still have gotten around to making a will. It’s that “sound mind” business that has me snagged. Btw, couldn’t you call the reading of the will a dead giveaway?
I thought passing away intestate meant that in a fatal accident you were castrated.

*** I am impressed that the small backwater I live in shows an appreciation of classic cinema---every other week the theater shows Birth of a Nation”

*** How’ bout that Astor kid?--the 85-year-old one! He was convicted for stealing from the family estate.
He was philosophically whimsical though—“It’s still better than going down with the Titanic like Great-Grand Papa!” he chortled. Those rich have a way about them---usually about our pockets!

*** I really had a weird English professor in college---he told the class that “Stream of Consciousness” is the opposite of bedwetting!!