Don't Repent---The End Ain't Near

Today, Krishna Morty has dug deep into the cannib...uh-HM...canons of Eastern spirituality (Hey Folks!! We'll get back to Krishna Morty's meditations today, but first: Haven't read the Tao te Ching--or as my close friend Wayne Dyer calls it the Tao Kerching! But I'm tellin' tales outta the Ashram!! the Bhaghavad Gita? The Tibetan Book of the Dead?, The Kaballah? Well fret no more---Krishna Morty announces the Morty Sacred Text-of-the-Month Club.

Yes---for just $29.95 a month, arranged in easy daily or bi-daily payments, you too can have The Wisdom of the Ages in your bookcase for the admiration of your friends and neighbors---folks, we don't care if you don't read 'em--hey, it's the appearance that matters, right? Hey, but with Halloween just around the corner, "The Tibetan Book of the Dead" is always a goose-bump-raiser for all ages!!
Operators are sitting by in the lotus position 800-666-2012!!)

We return you to Krishna Morty's who's confused ramblings are already in progress:

...so people ask me, "Krishna Morty, please we are afraid of this prediction that the world is going to end on December 21, 2012!!"

I answer "You're afraid?? What about the many toy businessmen in my family who view the Christmas shopping season that year with little more than ever darkening gloom??
My cousin Sheldon, says he's thinking of moving the insurance fire up a year!!
So don't tell me about fear!!

Krishna Morty himself is sick with despair to think that the world may end all of the human race and its millenia-long accomplishments; he thinks with deep sorrow and desolation of the human suffering that may not be far off; but most especially Krishna Morty is truly bummed out because this is all gonna happen the day before his birthday, on which he was promised a Blackberry, which by then will probably cost around $4.99!! Oh death, where is thy stinger??

However, this is all academic, for Krishna M (shout out to my homeys!!)
has thoroughly investigated these claim of apocalypse 3 years and 2 months hence, and has found it to be, what we call in the East "Maya Intensive"
You see, Maya is the world we percieve to be real, but is really just an illusion---not the truth---Maya Intensive, on the other hand is REALLY not real, or to put it in Western parlance, BULLSHIT!!

Krishna Morty, after intensive research which basically consisted of typing words into Google, discovered that the main promulgators of the 2012 end-of-the-world idea are certified Cuckoo for Cocopuffs, batshit loonies, one of whom claims
that he was given this information while being abducted by aliens; a couple, who besides being self-described "Professional Ghost Hunters" use "divining rods" to vector in on spirits---they also believe that by counting the steps on the Yucatan Mayan Temple, then multiplying it times the hypotenuse of Pi-R squared and Cookies are Round---this will unlock the secrets of the doomsday prediction.

Another problem is that established science has called each scenario for how the world will end preposterous---and these guys oughta know---they all wear lab coats!!
Oh, and not to beat a dead horse, but it may be of passing interest that according to Mayan scholars and experts, there actually is no mention of the end of the world in 2012 in their calendar--or any time, for that matter!

Krishna Morty will conclude with a prayer---actually a wing and a prayer---we're going to KFC after this.
Oh divine all embracing totality of universality, esq.---thank you for world without end, even though to honest I've seen better movies---but, again thank you that life will go on, obla-di obla-da, and most of all , Krishna Morty will get his Motorola Blackberry!



Till Next Time---I'll have a lot of time on my hands!!