It's All in Your Mind

Hey, everybody feelin’ good??
Because remember---when you are feeling bad, you’re really feeling good and just think you’re feeling bad!”---any questions?

This brings to the mind of Krishna Morty the amusing jest about the Christian Scientist who meets his friend upon the street and inquires of his brother’s health.
“Oh, he’s very sick!” said the man.
“No, no--- he just thinks he’s sick.. Tell him he just thinks he’s sick!”

Two weeks later they meet again and the Christian Scientists again inquires of the brother’s health.
“Well, now he thinks he’s dead!” answered the man.

As you may have surmised , Krishna Morty will today speak of health and spirit.
I know I had a healthy glass of spirits before I came out…no but I kid alcoholism!

Seriously folks, and I mean this from the bottom of my heart chakra---don’t hate me because I have third eye in my forehead---(which reminds me—my Optometrist to the Gurus, Shomeedamunni says I need to come in and have my spiritual lens cleaned.)

But I stray from the path of today’s sermon---health and spirit---body and mind,
bonnie and clyde---wait---(hmmm, Krishna Morty maybe had too much of the healthy elixir--elixir!! He didn’t even kiss her!!)

As science is now confirming (poor science, always needs time to catch up, yunno)—the body and mind, once thought to be separate, are in reality one entity---the mind includes the body and the body includes the mind. However, one time my mind excluded my body, which resulted in an excrutiatingly embarrassing night of excuses to a nubile young lady---but I digress (when I don't wander).
As, I was saying, the mind and body are all inclusive
(Unfortunately when my gonif shrink heard about this he retroactively charged me extra for body work!

But earnestly, afflictions of the body affect the mind, as do maladies of the mind affect the body—and we do not want the malady to linger on—can I get a tambura shot?!!

Sometimes a man must ask himself, “Am I depressed because I’m a fat shlub sitting on the couch shoving malomars into my cake hole, or am I a gluttonous heifer because I’m depressed?" And,of course the answer to that question is please get off my foot!
You are basically one big fat disgusting blob of depression—Oh yes you are, Slylviadayenta!! Yes you ARE!! Don’t holler at me because the last time you got on a scale it read “to be continued”!!
And the time you went sky-diving and caused a solar eclipse!!

Krishna Morty is mortified and deeply contrite that you had to hear that...

But, getting back to the path of happiness and the whole body and mind thing mishuggyis,
Because the mind and body are really stuck with each…er…are one perfect entity,
And since the mind is the seat of the soul--- preferred seating, may I add---therefore if one can, through prayerful meditation, or meditative prayer, or listening to the music of John Tesh or Yanni---manifest the full chi energy that vibrates constantly (unless it’s set on ring) across the universe and other Beatles tunes---
If you can then focus that healing,
soothing, wound-binding, non-allergenic and Ph-balanced energy toward the illness and distress in your body, you will find that you will be able to take all your pills and throw ‘em away---or better yet , mail them to me c/o Prunes Dunes Retirement Community in
Culo Raton, Florida.

Hey you've been a grating audience!
Don't forget to tip your cars and drive your waitresses!!
I'll be appearing in the Sand Dunes 10 miles east of Las Vegas.