The Audacity of Dope

*** This morning I broke out in song---my dermatologist is baffled!

*** What exactly is the problem with Philippine ferries? They flip over so often I’m startin’ to think they’re made by IHOP!

*** My crooked uncle Max likes to brag about how he was a stick-up man---big deal, he used to work for 3M making post-it notes.

*** My cousin married a most unattractive woman he met in the state capital. The family calls her his Tallahassee Lassie.

*** I wonder what kind of film Quentin Tarentino would make if he didn’t go off his meds during the making of it.

*** Teaching was rough---once I got down to brass tacks with my class, I usually sat on one!
It was a tough school---instead of posters on the class wall, we had illustrated emergency life-saving techniques.
On the day before Christmas break the kids played Hangman with a real rope.

*** Looks like bad news for Obama’s speech to students Tuesday.---Michelle is keeping the two girls home.
And his big healthcare speech, according to reporters who got an early copy, will focus on Christian Science, Homeopathy and the “Ancient Kenyan Medicine Man’s Complete Book of Cures”.
I wouldn’t say Obama’s popularity rate is plunging, but it’s like watching Orson Welles slide down a greased flagpole.

*** Went to see this near unanimously raved film, “District Nine”—gross out man!---the last time I saw so much splatter was at a Jackson Pollock exhibition.