Elvis Has Left the Bathroom

*** My uncle who's been married six times calls it a "nags to bitches" story.

*** A business scandal from over 30 years ago has just been unearthed.
It seems that the VHS producers were putting Beta-Max Blockers in the nation’s water supply.

*** My grandfather died of alcoholism---today, they’d call it Shaken Martini Syndrome.

*** I read about a major league ballplayer who was also a philosophy major---he described his whole life as theory and practice.

*** I once had a date with a girl in a wheelchair---I stood her up, but she fell for me anyway. But after that it was a big drag.

*** I used to be so unworldly. A hooker once asked me if I liked to watch two women. “Great Sophia Loren film!” I said.

*** My wife made breakfast in bed this morning---the sheets were a mess with egg, flour and milk.

*** My doctor was a great motivator for me to lose a lot of weight. He asked me “Don’t you want your penis to look larger??”

*** My crooked Uncle Max may be the only man to be sentenced to death by Judge Judy.