Jumpin' Ja Hasseldorf

*** I am unequivocally opposed to child prostitution---I mean, first of all, you'd want someone with some experience, right?!

*** I guess you know you're getting old when AARP magazine starts offering you 2 months subscriptions.

*** According to recent bio, composer Kurt Weil's song "Speak Low When You Speak Love" was inspired by an affair he had with a dwarf.

*** Nothin' goes right---I picked up a snake for backed up plumbing---the thing built a nest in there!

*** Well, I watched another deceased auto being pulled away by a tow truck yesterday. I believe the cars I've owned have more miles going backward than forward.

*** My ex-wife got a B.A in Sociology. Very useful. She could explain to me all the sociological reasons why she wasn't working.

*** I can't prove it yet, but I'm positive Aussie mogul Rupert Murdoch is responsible for all the damn Kangaroos dotting the landscape.

*** I see the Henry Gates affair has inspired a new commercial:
"You've had a busy time arresting people for being in their own houses. Now, it's Miller Time!!