Misanthropes and Ladders

*** My niece really puts the "promise" in promiscuous.
She surprised me when she said she wanted to be a seismologist.I said, "Oh, you're interested in earthquakes and plate tectonics??" She said. "Damn--- I thought the word meant something else!"

*** It' sad---I got more hits on my bong last night than my blog got all last month.
By the way, does anyone know where I can get bongwater softener?.

*** An audience member deflated me after a performance. He said, "Your jokes are so old your theme song should be 'Thanks to My Memory' "!

*** My sister thought the song, "I'm Mr. Blue" was from Reservoir Dogs!


*** I'm a victim of identity theft. I don't care, I was having an identity crisis anyway. Good riddance!

*** I read about this hooker who gave up the profession. She felt her life was always in a rut.

*** I see a gender bias when they say, "She's a bad seed!", or "he's a bad seed!" I mean, how about the female's egg?
No they're only "good eggs!" Hadda get this off my chest---along with this bra---it's beginning to chafe.

*** How long before we see this headline: "Google buys Amazon on e-Bay"?

SANITY CHECK--- Am I in dementia or did I actually see this commercial?---dig this:
Man's stumbling sleepingly down airplane aisle toward restroom.
He proceeds to accidentally open the emergency door. He and several other passengers are sucked out, and plunging to their deaths. Another passenger falling besides him says something like. "This wouldnt have happened if you had gooda sleep in a Days Inn last night!"
They chuckle with that particularly TV American bonhomie as they are on the way to become pan pizza.