twainfile

*** Okay, I was really no great Casanova in my younger days. My idea of Group Sex was two people.

*** Okay, "Gilligan's Island: The Musical". Book of Revelations, 25:17.

*** What a sweat-soaked nightmare I had last night. I was a contestant on The Dating Game and won a night out with Ann Coulter.

*** A little known historical fact---at the end of his Emancipation Proclamation, Lincoln rang a little chime and told the blacks, "You are now free to roam around the Confederacy".

*** A friend asked if I was collecting unemployment. I said, "I wish!! I have to spend it as soon as I get it!!"

*** What I really hate about the paper USA Today---it's impossible to get the local movie starting times!

*** I love watching those infomercial shows. Where else are you gonna see 50 people rejoice and applaud wildly over the fact that a guy got rid of his hemorrhoids in a matter of days.