Fit as a Fiddle and All Strung Out!!

*** I'm still learning about the Internet. I thought URL was an abbreviation for cyberspace Men's Room.

*** My wife said I was a very resentful person. I said, "I resent that!"

*** I felt compelled to correct my niece when she said, "I did good in school today!". I said, You mean, "you did well in school'" She got huffy. 'Oh okay , very well and good then!"

*** I told her that I bet she doesn't even know what an interrogative word is. She said, "whatever..."

*** When she found out she flunked English, she tried to sum it up, "Words fail me."

*** Okay, "Death with Dignity" is one thing, but my uncle insistng that he be dressed up and made to look like David Niven at his viewing was going too far!


*** A restless George Bush, acting on advice about what his public role should be now, was dismayed when he bought a bag of chocolate candy. "Are these all the colors they have this stuff in??" Bush complained to the manager. When the the man asked why, Bush replied, " 'Cause someone said I should try for Gray M&M's!!",

*** I saw this sordid murder story on one of those real-life crime shows. A man confessed to his wife that he had overpowering necrophiliac impulses. She said, "Over my dead body!"

*** I don't know what's to be done with my sister. She and her husband were going to the seashore and he said, "Don't forget the beach chair!" When they were ready to leave she had dyed her hair blond. He said, "Why?" She said, "Didn't you tell me not to forget the bleached hair??"