Distressed intellectual Property

*** I wouldn't say the Stock Exchange keeps sinking to unprecedented lows, but I heard yesterday Satan rang the opening bell.
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*** I think my dentist is a crook. He says one of the teeth in my dentureneeds a root canal.

*** Yeah, he used to practice on the Continent, is always bragging about performing before the "Crowned Heads" of Europe.

*** My sister!! Today she asked me what kind of film she needs to get for her digital camera.

*** I told my wife I had a fear of crowds. She said, "OH, so that's why you did standup!!"

*** I just read an article about the artificial insemination of the octuplets' mother. It's called, Eight Men Left Out.*** I lit up with Joy when I saw her. She really had some good shit!

*** In the tradition of such warm-fuzzies-guaranteed man-and-pet stories as Marley and Me and The Cat Who Came For Christmas comes The Chimp that Chewed Off My Face and Left Me Brain Damaged. In her book, Charla Nash reveals that the attack began when the ape, who had done TV ads, read the trade mags that morning and was furious to discover that Cheetah was living with babes in Beverly Hills while he was stuck in rural Connecticut with his 70 year-old spinster owner.
Another cause, ironically, in light of the recent controversial NY Post cartoon, was that the chimp actually had written part of the bailout-stimulus plan for the Obama administration, and her owner had sharply criticized it.
In the future, look for the moving story by Roy, of Siegfried and Roy, about his beloved big cat, called "The Lady Man or the Tiger".