I'll take, "Are you an Automaton?" for $1000, Alex

I watch Jeopardy religiously, often wearing my yahmulkah and prayer shawl.
I think of the show as a kind of Alamo of intelligence--a last bastion on network television that appeals to people whose IQ's are substantially above their waste belt sizes.
Which brings us the Alex Trebek.
I will preface my remarks by giving the man his props. He does what he does extremely well---I've never once heard him falter while reading a question---I mean answer. He's your proverbial well-oiled machine. I mean, almost literally.
Super champion Ken Jennings, perhaps ungraciously but accurately, wrote about Trebek on a blog a few months after his reign. Jennings wondered out loud whether the man hd been completely robotized, with precious little left that could be called organically human.
Indeed, there's something vaguely disturbing in the man's face when he addresses the camera---an odd disconnect between his eyes and what his mouth is saying a few inches below.
But where Trebek really shows evidence of being , if not a cyborg, then a victim of the pod people, is during his chats with each of the day's contestants for the obligatory two minutes or so.
Obviously the players have been prepped to entertain the audience with some unusual occurrence in their lives, or some eccentricity. Alex asks a question like," John Fishbein of Toledo, Ohio--it says here on my card that you collect bicycle tire valve caps!"
Alex then listens to the story, and when it's finished, he responds with what, he contrary to all evidence, believes is a witty or unquestionably appropriate remark.
That is when the hilarity ensues.
What can one say---Trebek is to the ad lib, the bon mot, the jape extraordinaire if you will, what Jack the Ripper was to etiquette. He is the anti-Steve Allen; the Bizarro Oscar Wilde.
Obviously not an unintelligent, uncultured man, Trebek is DOA, a nicely suited block of concrete, as far as the art of conversation, or even basic human communication is concerned.
A couple of recent typical examples should suffice.
On a recent show a contestant related a story about nearly being attacked by a shark. The man commented," Lucky for me, I''m a fast swimmer!" To which Trebek responded, "Yeah, but those sharks can also swim!" He moves on to the next chat, while you sit shaking your head in dumbfounded disbelief.
Another contestant told of her excitement at accidentally bumping into Anthony Hopkins while walking in New York.
Trebek's comeback. "Well, you really have to watch where you're going when you walk in that town!" Onto next contestant.
These are Trebek at his most engaged. At least his comebacks are somewhat remotely related to the topic.
Just as often, however, he becomes the Non Sequitir Master of the Universe---declaiming something that the connection to what was said could not be detected by an electron microscope.
Also as appalling as it is astounding is his utter lack of proportion. Trebek will spend extra time listening to a contestant droning on and on about something inane and pointless, which the former, naturally, responds to with a comment just as inane and pointless.
However, on relatively rare occasions a player will have a genuinely interesting story to tell---some project he or she is working on that would accrue to the benefit of mankind. Just when you wish Trebek would pursue the subject a bit, he'll say, "Okay, back to the game!"
Trebek also has an all-purpose fallback line he uses when even he can't think of something idiotic to say. He'll look at the camera, put his arms out and intone, "Life is strange!"
On one very memorable recent show, Trebek set his own bar of utterly obtuse and inappropriate remarks to a new height ---after the contestant answered the Final Jeopardy question and brought his winnings to over $100 thousand, Trebek felt the kamakaze impulse to extemporize, "You folks at home may be worried about the economy and your jobs, But our winner Fred here isn't!!"
Thanks Alex.