Goodbye Mr. Blue Chips

*** My nephew keeps telling me that he smokes pot, but I think he's a 'marijuana be.'

*** An author is already at work on a book about the US Airways jet---it's called "A River Runs Through It".

*** My cousin, who's a ladies' man, also suffers from bouts of amnesia. His usual pick-up line in bars is "Do I come here often?"

*** The police picked up a sado-masochistic who was writing on bathroom walls, "For a good and bad time, call..."

*** My sister couldn't understand how you could have a tailgate party with all those cars one right behind the other.

*** My grandfather was a silent film actor---he only worked as an extra.

*** The chorus tried desperately to sing the Halleleujah Chorus, but they just couldn't Handel it.

*** Mr. Karloff wanted to be an opera singer, but impresarios didn't think Boris Gudinov.

*** Okay, "My heart is stuck on Band-Aids..."---who's this kid's cardiac surgeon?

*** My aunt just doesn't understand anatomy. Her doctor said she had Acute Angina and she slapped his face.