Obama bama, bama, bama, bama, Chameleon

THIS IS NEWS TO ME:"
"Town blocks plan to make 'Sound of Music' house into hotel"--- City Council calls place a" Rat Von Trapp!"

"Man Accused of Attacking Dad With Christmas Tree" -- Man led away by police yelling,"Festivus for the rest of us!" Father undergoes 6-hour surgery to have angel removed from his colon.
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*** My cousin's a lousy gambler. Whatever he takes to Vegas, stays in Vegas!

*** My uncle, the alky, said his favorite rapper is "Six-Pack of Coors".

*** The first foreign film I ever saw was about a man with hepatitis, "I Am Curiously Yellow".

*** They say the camera puts ten pounds on you. So I always put it down before getting on the scale.

*** I dropped 20 pounds over the past two months. Unfortunately I kept dropping it on my foot!

*** A long time ago I tried Dr. Stillman's Water Diet. I gained 30 gallons!

*** The church keeps telling us that Jesus died for our sins. I thought it was the Jews who were all about inducing guilt!

*** In those modern bathrooms you have to wave your hand in front of the sensor to get the water flowing. I felt a little silly doing what I did to get the urinal to flush.