23 Shoplifting Days Til Christmas

ALL THE NEWS THAT GIVES ME FITS:
"Florida Aquatic Species still on Endangered Species List"---"Oh the MANATEE!!!"

"Ford CEO says he'll work for $1 if company receives bailout"---says he may be able to eke by with that 30 million bonus from last year.

"Panel says U.S. has been in a recession since Dec. 2007"---NOW they tell us!!

"Feds arrest Alabama mayor on bribery, fraud charges"--- Neil Young gloats.

"Zeppelin returns: Airships are finally making a comeback"---can horse & buggies be far behind?

"Men more attracted to women who wear red, study finds"--- Just ask John Dillinger!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
*** The lead singer of Procol Harem went to the hardware store to buy a large bucket, and told the salesman he wanted a "Wider Shape of Pail".

*** I sent some poetry into a publisher and he sent back a note: "Curb Your
Doggerel!"

*** My sister got some bird droppings on her. I said I'd get some tissue. She said, "Don't bother---the bird's probably a mile away by now!"

*** I asked my ex-boss for a reference. He said "Hip or low-brow?"