December Ides

*** TV historians have unearthed a telegram sent to the producers of the 50's show "Dennis the Menace", answering an inquiry about the child star's last name and the airline he'd be arriving in LA on: "North by Northwest".

Gator QB Tim Tebow wins 2nd Maxwell ---I didn't even know Jack Benny had a second one!

*** I thought it was bad enough when I read the government bailout would cost about $2300 per citizen, but when they came around this morning for the money I was really PO'd!

*** OK, I wasn't the greatest classroom disciplinarian--- I was once voted "Substitute of the Year"---by the students!!

Florida Governor Charlie Crist Gets Married-- I forsee for them the same happiness enjoyed by Lisa Minelli and Peter Allen, if you get my drift.

*** Literary scholars have discovered that poet Walt Whitman would, prior to release of a book of his work, release to the public for free several examples of the poems to be included . This became known, of course, as the "Whitman Sampler".

*** A little known bizarre fact is that a couple , thinking it romantic, actually had 'Breakfast at Tiffany's'---sadly, the husband choked to death on a diamond tiara in his omelet.

*** It turns my wife on during sex if I talk dirty on the phone to her ex-husband.

*** The NFL has announced that due to budget cuts they are laying off all teams with a record below .250. The 0-14 Detroit Lions will, of course be the first to go. To add insult to injury, they lose the first-draft pick for next year.

*** I wouldn't say that there have been a lot of shootings involving NFL players, but the league's commissioner, for PR purposes, has banned the use of the terms "Shotgun Formation" and the quarterback throwing "a bullet."

*** But it's getting bad---now the players suit up in their shoulder pads, helmets and kevlar.

And, finally. this was an actual ad printed in the Bradford County Telegraph, my old birdcage liner:

"REWARD OFFERED

To the Good Samaritan who was kind enough to help put my walker into my van on Monday, Nov. 17, at the First United Methodist Church, while the ladies were preparing for the upcoming bazaar.
You were so gracious in that you held my purse while I was loading my walker. There will be no questions asked for its return. Contents mean more to me than anyone else"---Perhaps soon to be seen on the Jay Leno Show.